my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize