I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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