I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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