Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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