if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
