Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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