R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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