She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
