I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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