I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Randomize
