I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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