it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
