Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Vodka?
Forever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
