I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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