wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
