There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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