I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
