I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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