I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she told me i tasted like america
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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