Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
