Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
