we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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