you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
