This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
