You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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