guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
