Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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