Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
