Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
