You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
