Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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