life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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