***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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