I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
