YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there's paper in my vomit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
