I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
