Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
