I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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