oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
