is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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