you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
