are you still at the devil's house?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
