I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize