I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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