His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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