I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
