hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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