So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize