thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
