I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
