He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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