i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
