this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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