how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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