she was so not down for the gang bang
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
