This girl is more easily done than said...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
