Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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