It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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