She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
