I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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