How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize