an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
