Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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