Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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