TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't deserve a penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
