Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
