Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
