Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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